RSVP’s dating coach Frances Kelleher shares the dos and don’ts of texting, that can make or break a fledgling relationship. Stand out form the crowd with these top tips
Texting has become a great way to ignite a relationship, but it also has huge power to kill one stone dead. Like a lot of things in life, having a strategy can make all the difference. You want to use a strategy that will entice the man you want not repel him.
1. Try to create a deeper connection
Stand out from the crowd. I say this a lot regarding dating, but this is especially true in texting where it is harder to create a connection as we have no visual, no tone of voice or body language to build rapport. We need the guy to feel emotion through our texting, otherwise we are not creating a deeper connection and that is the main aim. Do not send the same text everyone sends e.g. How was your day? What are you doing? It’s boring! Instead get him talking about his likes, interests, and passions. This will make him feel good, and then he will associate the good feeling with you. That will lead to more communication and if done correctly should lead to that first coveted phone call really quickly.
2. Ask open-ended questions
Doing this leads to deeper, more interesting conversations and allows the person to share more with you. It also shows that you have a genuine interest in the other person and their life. People find this very attractive. People like people caring about them. So instead of saying “How long are you working there?” you could ask “Why did you get into law?” The first question is a one answer question, the other is an open-ended, more meaningful question.
3. Use his name
Everyone loves to hear their own name. It is music to the person’s ears. It makes people feel important and cared for. Just a word of warning – do not overuse it or it will make you come across as insincere. Use it like salt, sprinkled here and there.
4. Use humour where you can
Laughter bonds people and builds immediate rapport. Send jokes, funny pictures, and stories where you can. Who does not need more laughter in their life? Again, they will connect this good feeling to being with you and want more of it. While dating, keep in the forefront of your mind that with every move you make you are advertising what it would be like to be part of your life. You want that person to see what a great catch you are. Being funny shows that you are fun and light.
5. Let him do the chasing
This might seem old-fashioned but let me tell it to you straight ladies – old-fashioned works! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This all comes back to masculine energy which is drive, focus and wanting to earn things, as this creates self-respect. Something that ranks at the top of the board for men is respect. Let the man do his own work. He wants to. Let him make the first phone call and ask you on a date. If he is not taking action, you can drop hints and encourage him to.
For instance, you could say “I always go to so and so on a Friday night. The D.J is great there. I’d say you’d love it too.” By doing this he knows where you are, and you are encouraging him to come by saying you think it would be a place he would love. This lessens the pressure on both of you too and makes a meeting more natural. Regarding him calling you, you could say “Sorry I was slow in replying, I think I might be getting tendonitis from all this texting” (insert a laughing face emoji). He should pick up on this hint and call you instead of texting all the time.
6. Do not over-communicate
Dating is all about mystery, curiosity and building anticipation. Keep the mystery alive. This is why Marilyn Monroe was so popular and still is, I believe. She was a wonder till her death. If you over-communicate, all you are doing is quenching the fire. As a rule, I would say for every text he sends, you send one back. Also, do not text him all day long. It is only saying that you have no life or interests, only him. A man needs to feel he has earned your time, that he won you over from your great life and other distractions with his unique gifts. If he is not communicating as much as you or the communication is getting less and less from his side, he is not that interested. Move on. When you do, you’ll just meet a better man, so you have lost nothing, only gained.
By Frances Kelleher & Kayla Walsh Lifestyle Editor