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Frances Kelleher | Dating Coach & Dating Expert | Ireland

Frances Kelleher Coaching

Multi-Award Winning Coach

Love languages that are spoken in your relationship

One love language spoken in a relationship.

Which of the love languages is being spoken in your relationship?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages. He wrote a best-selling book about it in 1995. He says if we know and tunes into these languages, our love lives will be so much easier. Because we will be better able to communicate with our partner. The trick is to know what love language your partner speaks.

The first one is Words of affirmation.

These are basically compliments or statements that build up your partner. For instance, “you look great in that leather jacket”, or “that haircut is lovely or “thanks for working so hard for us”. Even a simple “I love you” goes a long way. In contrast, saying something negative can really hurt these people as they are very sensitive to your words. You must be genuine in what you say as your partner really cares about the sentiment behind the words, not just the words themselves. The people that speak this language feel your love through what you say. I feel that this is the love language spoken by most men as they thrive on support, appreciation, and admiration.

The second is Acts of service.
These people care a lot more about what you do than what you say. Action turns them on. I think this is definitely one spoken by us women as we are often overwhelmed by our to-do lists and a little bit of help from our men would make the world of difference in our hectic lives. Examples of Acts of service would be doing the shopping, taking the children to the park for a couple of hours to give us a break, or cooking a meal. I tell men this all the time that Acts of service are actually a form of foreplay to women. Some men have actually stood back from me in disbelief!

The third is Receiving gifts.

This does not mean you have to buy expensive presents, quite the contrary. This language is all about the meaning behind the gift. For example, if your partner loves a certain type of biscuits you could buy them on the way home from work for him. These gifts require some real thought behind them and that is what these people really value, not the price tag. Once my friend complained to her husband that her hair was terrible after having their baby. She said nothing seemed to work and her GHD was so old it did not even straighten her hair anymore let alone give her a good hair day. A few days later a brand-new state-of-the-art GHD arrived in the post addressed to her. She said it was one of the most romantic things he ever did for her.

The fourth love language is Quality Time.

I think this language is the lifeline for relationships as I truly believe having a regular date night is the answer to not getting a divorce! If it is good enough for Posh and Becks. Having time together is not good enough in this love language. Attention and time must be undivided and with no distractions. These people feel your love most when they are the canter of your attention. If this is your partner’s primary love language and you make them feel number one above all else in your life, you will have a very happy house indeed.

The fifth love language is Physical Touch.

This language concentrates on the physical touch in a relationship be it hugs, holding hands, or putting your arm around your partner while sitting on the couch. It is not all about the bedroom action. When physical touch is in being close to someone, some are feeling the love. So, if this is what your partner craves increase the number of hugs during the day, kiss them when they leave for work and when they return. Hold their hand walking down the streets. Even these small gestures will elevate the love mood in your house, and you will reap the benefits.

Finding both of your love languages can really make a difference in your relationship and deepen your connection. This is a good exercise to do especially now we dealing with restrictions again together and need a peaceful, calm house as much as possible. Why not use this time to connect more rather than come apart?