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Frances Kelleher | Dating Coach & Dating Expert | Ireland

Frances Kelleher Coaching

Multi-Award Winning Coach

Obstacles In Your Way Of Finding Love

Obstacles In Your Way Of Finding Love

Life in general can block you from finding your ideal partner in many ways. I get a lot of questions about this right before Valentine’s Day. The topic of the obstacles in your way of finding love is one I’ve written about before but want to expand on it.

Many times these obstacles are created by you. Today I want to talk about things that hinder people from finding the right person.

  1. You are still hung upon you ex.

I know this is a tough one because when you really connect with someone on every level. It is hard to think how this magic will ever happen again, but I assure it can. There is not just one person for all of us.

There are 8 billion people on the planet. I have seen it time and time again that people’ s hearts are completely broken but with time and hope they go onto meet people that they love even more. They are even happier with that person than they ever were with their ex.

To move on I would say immediately get rid of all traces of that person. Not in a hate way but in a “I send you on your way with peace and love” way. If all your space (emotional, physical and mind) is taken up by your ex there will be no room for the new person.

  1. Dating Apps are wasting your time, energy and impact.

Dating Apps are fantastic for bringing more people into your circle and initially making a connection. But this is all they should be used for in my humble opinion. They should not be used to over communicate to another person by sending 10,000 messages over and back before you meet someone.

This kills the mystery and curiosity which hurts the passion in dating. Also, when you do meet the person you have nothing to talk about because it has all been said. Another danger with Dating Apps is that some people use them as a form of entertainment out and have no intention of meeting you.

These people will just waste your time. I call all of the above “online drowning”. The answer to this is to only use the internet to create a bigger pool of people to pull from and to plan a date.

  1. You are holding out hope for someone you already like.

You have met someone already that you really fancy. You’re hoping that it will lead to something solid, so you don’t date anyone else. So, you stay single. They might be stringing you along by ghosting or breadcrumbing you. Or might just be in your life at a distance. Yet you have a place set at the table in your heart hoping someday they will show up for dinner.

When you do this, you are rejecting everybody else in the process. To move on you need to keep an open mind and date other people. Have faith that there is a bigger master plan. Usually someone better suited to you comes along. Sometimes when you do start dating someone else that person that you were holding out for realizes that they really do want you after all. 

  1. Working too much.

I feel this is huge in today’s modern world. I would shout it out if it meant every woman on earth could hear me. Even if it would help, I would shout it from Mount Everest. Stop working so much and make love your number one priority.

This one of the biggest obstacles in your way of finding love.

The difference between women who have careers and are single and the women who have careers and are married is simple-time management. If you are working all the time you have no time and energy to work at finding love. Make love your number one goal in your life above everything else.

  1. Not giving a guy a fair chance.

I see women who dismiss a guy solely based on the shoes he is wearing. Firstly, if you were his partner you can buy him new shoes. They’re not glued to his feet. More importantly this guy could literally be in the business of making dreams come true, specifically your dreams. You’ll never know that because you never even gave him a chance.

The simple answer to this is give everyone a chance. Talk to everyone and see what lies beneath. People become way more attractive when you get to see their personality and uniqueness. I have seen model men and women date people much less physically attractive than them. What they found was other great qualities. For instance, they were funny, exceptionally gifted in the bedroom, kind or smart.

  1. You are with the wrong person.

This is the most dangerous situation because people that string you along can waste years of your life. It could turn out you miss the easiest years for you to meet someone. Also, this person does not appreciate you. They are not 100% all in yet they keep you on the line.

It can be because they are not sure if you are the one for them. Additionally, it could be because they don’t want to be alone or maybe they are just keeping their options open. Either way they are wasting your precious time.

They are standing in the way of you meeting the right person who will adore you and who will be all in. To move on you need to leave the relationship immediately because they never will. Trust this half-hearted relationship is a steppingstone to the right person for you because it is.

  1. Low self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem don’t value themselves as they should. How can anyone else see your value if you don’t see your own ? When you have low self esteem a lot of the time you don’t have standards or hold someone accountable for their bad behavior. This leads you to being treated badly which is unacceptable.

You are a unique person with unique talents and gifts so believe in yourself and what you have to offer. Build your confidence and self-worth anyway you can. Read a book, do a course or volunteer. Volunteering is brilliant because it takes you out of your head. Doing something for another living creature makes you feel worthwhile and great thus raising your self- esteem.

Use these tips to avoid the obstacles in your way of finding love.