Sometimes in a relationship you have a hunch that something may be wrong. If you think your partner is lying, then this is when it is ok to check your partner’s phone.
Ultimately, I think this is more an instinct issue than a trust issue. Anyone that I have known that has gone through their partner’s phone did so because they sensed something might be going on. They did not go through their phone out of the blue because they were bored. There was first a sense that their partner was lying to them.
For instance, I know a girl who spent a week apart from her boyfriend when he went home to Spain. She told me that when she called him, he was agitated and seemed in a rush to get off the phone. The second she saw him when he got back his face dropped.
It was only a split-second reaction, but it set off her instinct. She then went through his phone and found a text from him to a Spanish number. It said “I’m thinking of you”. Next she got out his phone bills and searched through months of them for this number.
She found a text from him to a Spanish number. It said “I’m thinking of you”
As it turned out, he had been texting and calling the same number for months. She checked the dates and the time of that call when he was in Spain and seemed rushed. She confronted him. He vehemently denied he had cheated but eventually admitted it. He had been with a girl in Spain.
I believe your instinct is one of the most powerful things we have, and it should always be listened to. Listening to your instinct and intuition makes it stronger and more reliable. That’s why I think speed dating can be a good idea for some as you are using your instincts.
Another example of how instinct can be better and quicker than your intellectual mind is an experiment done by the University of Iowa. They created a gambling game which involved two decks of red cards and two decks of blue cards. Each card gave the players a sum of money or cost them a sum. The aim was to reach a certain amount.
Choosing a card from any deck the player had to figure out by trial and error how to win. The way to win was to pick only cards from the blue deck. The results showed that the unconscious mind reached the answer to winning the game a full 70 cards before the conscious mind.
We are animals with instincts that are there purely to serve us. Ignore them at your peril!
And when you sense it, that’s when it is ok to check your partner’s phone.