‘Dating apps are fantastic for bringing more people into your circle, and initially making a connection. But this is all they should be used for,’ says Frances Kelleher
Life, in general, can block you from finding your ideal partner in many ways. But most of the time it’s yourself that creates the block. Today I want to talk about things that I see constantly, that hinder people from finding the right person. These are the seven obstacles stopping you from finding love.
1. You are still hung up on your ex
I know this is tough because when you really connect with someone on every level, it is hard to imagine how the magic will happen again, but I assure you, it can. There is not just one person for all of us. There are 8 billion people on the planet. I have seen it time and time again – people’s hearts are completely broken, but with time and hope, they go on to meet people that they love even more. They are even happier with that person than they ever were with their ex. To move on I would say immediately get rid of all traces of that person. Not in a hated way, but more like “I send you on your way with peace and love”. If all your space (emotional, physical, and mental) is taken up by your ex, there will be no room for the new person.
2. Dating apps are wasting your time, energy, and impact
Dating apps are fantastic for bringing more people into your circle and initially making a connection, but this is all they should be used for, in my humble opinion. They should not be used to over-communicate with another person by sending 10,000 messages over and back before you meet them. This kills the mystery and curiosity, which kills the passion in dating. Also, when you do meet the person you have nothing to talk about because it has all been said. Another danger with dating apps is that some people are just bored and want to be entertained, and they will never actually meet you. They will just waste your time. I call all of the above “online drownings”. The answer to this is to only use the internet to create a bigger pool of people to pull from and to plan a date.
3. You are holding out hope for someone you already like
Met someone already that you are really fancy and are hoping that it will lead to something solid, so you don’t date anybody else. You stay single. They might be stringing you along by ghosting you, breadcrumbing you, or doing none of these things. They might just be in your life at a distance, yet you have a place set at the table in your heart, hoping someday they will show up for dinner. When you do this, you are rejecting everybody else in the process. To move on you need to keep an open mind and date other people. Have faith that there is a bigger master plan. Usually, someone better suited to you comes along, and sometimes when you do start dating someone else, that person that you were holding out for realizes that they really do want you after all.
4. Working too much
I feel this is huge in our modern world and if it meant every woman on earth could hear me, I would shout it from Mount Everest – stop working so much and make love your number one priority! The difference between women who have careers and are single and the women who have careers and are married is simple – time management. If you are working all the time, you have no time and energy to work at finding love. Make love your number one goal in your life, above everything else.
5. Not giving a guy a fair chance
I see women who dismiss a guy solely based on the shoes he is wearing. Firstly, if you were his partner you could buy him new shoes. They’re not glued to his feet. More importantly, this guy could literally be in the business of making dreams come true – your dreams, to be specific – but you’ll never know that because you never even gave him a chance. The simple answer to this is to give everyone a chance. Talk to everyone and see what lies beneath. People become way more attractive when you get to see their personality and uniqueness. I have seen men and women with model good looks date people much less physically attractive than them because of some other great quality they had. For instance, they were funny, exceptionally gifted in the bedroom, kind, or smart.
6. You are with the wrong person
This is the most dangerous situation because people that string you along can waste years of your life – usually the best and easiest years for you to meet someone. This person does not appreciate you. They are not 100% all-in, yet they keep you on the line. This is because they are not sure you are the one for them. This could be because they don’t want to be alone or maybe they are just keeping their options open – either way they are wasting your precious time. They are standing in the way of you meeting the right person, who will adore you and who will be all in. To move on you need to leave the relationship immediately because they never will. Trust this half-hearted relationship is a stepping stone to the right person for you because it is.
7. Low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem don’t value themselves as they should. How can anyone else see your value if you don’t see your own? When you are low in self-esteem, a lot of the time you don’t have standards or hold someone accountable for their bad behavior. This leads you to be treated badly, which is unacceptable. You are a unique person with unique talents and gifts, so believe in yourself and what you have to offer. Build your confidence and self-worth any way you can. Read a book, do a course, or volunteer. Volunteering is brilliant because it takes you out of your head. Doing something for another living creature makes you feel great and worthwhile, thus raising your self-esteem.
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